I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
