i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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