I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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