he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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