Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
