i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
