he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
