Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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