Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
