Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
