In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
