I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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