Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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