I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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