I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
