This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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