3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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