i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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