I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Houston, we have a blender
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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