Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize