Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
