Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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