Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pants are for mortals
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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