I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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