I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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