worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
