how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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