But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
