just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
