I need to stop coming to work sober
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
