I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
