you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
