..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
