So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize