I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
