I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
