cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo