I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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