obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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