afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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