So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
please don't ironically join a cult
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
