entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
