Kiss
Puke
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
