just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
