It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
