I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
