Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

(859): View more from Kentucky

Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation

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(309): View more from Illinois

why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??

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(708): View more from Illinois

she fell through a window trying to flash someone

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(519): View more from Ontario

This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.

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(706): View more from Georgia

The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it

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