Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
