then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
