soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
