Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
