And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
