Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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