Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
