Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
