So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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