Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
