I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
