just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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