Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
