She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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