If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
