he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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