I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
