Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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