how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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