somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
