The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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