It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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