I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
