I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
